Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Boobs are out for the taking
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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