I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You are a genius and a whore.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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