I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
