she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
