I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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