need another drink. this is the easiest way
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
