Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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