While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
