my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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