I hate your face
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize