Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize