That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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