apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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