He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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