It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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