omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
