When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize