dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
