I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Is Oprah even human
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize