I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
