You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
