Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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