The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
