So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
im holly from the hills drunk
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
