gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize