I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
