party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
either way he was missing a nipple.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
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My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
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Can vaginas get frostbite?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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