Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
