Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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