Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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