just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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