im drinking this country out of the recession.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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