so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
