Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
