im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
