Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
