You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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