Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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