If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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