how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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