Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
