I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
