So drunk its hurt
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
