just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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