Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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