sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
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Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I party with great urgency now.
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