I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Randomize
