I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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