I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
