I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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