This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
