You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
