Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
