You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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