I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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