Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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