Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
